Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
