I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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