Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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