you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
