people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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