Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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