My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
