I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
This baby is an asshole
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
