Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
