I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
