I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
