i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
