I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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