I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
