But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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