Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
