there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
