Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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