You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
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