Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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