ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
