Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We are two peas in an std pod
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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