Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
