I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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