RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
