I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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