All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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