Buhtt sex?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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