I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Drake has all the answers
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
