sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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