I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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