I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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