sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
