It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
