You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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