in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
