I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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