Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
