Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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