I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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