K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
