Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
