I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
