i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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