I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i've created a new STD.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
