I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
