How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
