We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
