My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize