Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
