And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm bleeding and have questions
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
