these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
