woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
