There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
