dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
